Denied Emotions
by glamorous-skies
Summary: It's a TP fanfic. "She looked around seeing that everything was packed and ready, all she had to do now was do the dishes, tidy up the house a bit, call him, feed a white lie and then she could be on her way." Pls r&r Enjoy -pakku
1. You Can Just Walkout

A/N: I don't own the Dragonball/Z/Gt characters. Mind you its underlined. However I do own the story. Enjoy - Pls r&r  
  
Chapter 1  
  
You Can Just Walkout  
  
He's been dating her for quite awhile and everyone thinks she might be the one this time. He just hopes so because he can't bear the thought of possibly starting over, to meet new people again, get to know the person, go through the phases within a relationship, and face the tabloids on what they have to say about the girl he dates. It's just too much for one person to stress out about all over again. Then there's the haunting thoughts, what if the girl he's with bails out on him when their wedding day comes,…… if it comes though because first there's the engagement he has to think about. Then that thought falls under the category of not finding the right girl, another haunting thought itself. He can't help but think about these certain things and possibly everything else because all of it comes with the relationship package. He's 34 now and nearly in his mid thirties, this puts more strain on him as well because if he can't find the right person by now that's that, he'll just land a lonely life afterwards. Why can't it be simple? Why can't some one just fast forward through his life and right into the living marriage and just leave him right there so he doesn't have to go through all this crap. How could this be bad?……to want a good wife…..have a family….and spare himself from loneliness………it can't be wrong….. So, where is his other it possibly be the person he's with now?  
  
He was sitting in his office apparently lost in his thoughts questioning himself over and over again about everything, till it got to the point it was just too much and he just didn't know what to think anymore.  
  
Sigh "I think too much, that's problem." He pointed out to himself. "And where has it gotten me…..no where…..it just makes you ask yourself more questions until your going in circles………." "Yet I can sit here and tell myself this and still get nowhere………" "I should worry more about where Subaru and I stand……..where do we stand though?." As he continued to think his brow formed creasings like one of a bloodhound.  
  
So deeply involved with his thinking that a young lady slipped into his office unnoticed.  
The lady wore the expression of one of a 4 year old when up to dirty scheming. Upon seeing him troubled her face changed and both of them could be seen sharing the furrowed brow.  
  
It worries her to no end seeing him in that state, she thought if she dropped by he would be in somewhat of a better mood. He can't be left like this, she had to help him.  
  
"That's not much of a good look for you Mr. Briefs." Said the lady teasingly.  
  
Her comment shook him out of his thoughts. He looked over to see his best friend standing there in all smiles.  
  
"What are you doing here Pan? He asked seemingly surprised.  
  
She ran over to him and plopped herself on his desk. After a few minutes of positioning herself till she was comfortable she replied with a question.  
  
"Well….I should ask you the same thing, Mister."  
  
"Pan…don't be stupid…..you know I work here." Trunks answered tiredly.  
  
He started to wear those furrowed brows again.  
For a fleeting moment she had the strange urge to kiss his forehead and make those worry lines go away.  
  
But instead made a face as if she was really hurt by what he said and preceded with asking him "So………..what are you really doing here…..?" She gave him the eyebrow to add effect in what she thought his being here was very suspicious.  
  
He laughed lightly to assure her he was fine knowing that's what she really meant to ask. "Pan…..dear….you know my mother has chained me to this desk for eternity……"  
  
"Why must your mother be so………evil." Pan simply asked and then made the word evil more bold to emphasize it more. She wanted to see him happy, not like this…it hurts her so to see him this way.  
  
Trunks gave her a exasperated smile and said " Yes,… I'm afraid she just is Pan…….." A long silence followed afterwards. Both lost in their own worlds, not knowing what more to say.  
  
She suddenly looked upwards as if seeing more than just the ceiling and quietly said " You can always just leave you know……."  
  
Now in turn Trunks gave her the eyebrow to question by what she meant.  
Pan saw the eyebrows but didn't respond.  
She kept looking upwards seeming to be really interested with the ceiling.  
  
He was more frustrated now because he didn't understand what she meant and she wasn't gonna answer him anytime soon. He couldn't read her at that moment and couldn't see any trace of emotion to try and pin point what she really meant.. Just leave?…..how can I just leave?……does she mean walk out on my job? The furrowed brow returned once again and decided to become a trend while it stayed up there.  
  
She looked down and got upset because he was still wearing that troubled look but continued to stay quiet for what seem like an eternity. Only their low breathings could be heard. Everything that went on outside the office had its own business to deal with.  
  
He wanted her to talk to him. He was already stressed out, the least she could do was try and cheer him up. Perhaps exposing his problems to her will make her talk more.  
  
"Pan, what do you think Subaru and I should do now?" Trunks asked.  
  
He looked at her hopefully wanting nothing more but to hear her say something and not have that dreaded silence follow afterwards again.  
  
She looked down at him and smiled softly. Her blank face now showed nothing but love for her friend.  
  
"Trunks, you can't ask me that. It's between you and Subaru and that's all. There is no third wheel here. You can't entrust me with this question about how farther you should take this relationship with her. You can ask me anything else but if it's between you and a girl, I won't have any say in it. If you mean by what I think of you two then I think of you and her nothing more than a couple."  
  
She swung her feet over the desk till she was facing him, reached her hands out pulled his head slowly towards her and placed a kiss on his forehead. The worry lines disappeared and she smiled once more.  
  
"See, my kisses area magical. Now don't you dare waste it Mister." Pan scolded him as if he was a four year old, while wearing the face of serious mother.  
  
She always cheer him up no matter what. She's done too much really and it was wrong for him to ask her whether or not he should go further with Subaru. He's 34 now he can make his own choices in his relationship and for other things he can always ask for her opinion on it. She's right though. He should relax more and stop thinking too much.  
  
"Pan, believe me it will not be wasted. For you I show you my deepest gratitude." He said as he stood up and took a dramatic low bow.  
  
She laughed at this and waited for him to get back up but he just stayed there. Seeing he liked staying where he was she did nothing but sit it out till he go tired. Several minutes went by and he was still left in the bowing position.  
  
"Pan, anytime now." He said with a trace of sarcasm.  
  
"I thought you liked staying the way you are, but if you're so tired why don't you just stand up straight already stupid." She said as she rolled her eyes.  
  
"I'm not stupid" He looked hurt but decided to take his place behind his desk once more.  
  
"So, Pan what is it that you came here for." He asked in his business tone when dealing with a client.  
  
"Don't you use that tone on me, I'm not your stupid clients." She said indignantly.  
  
He knew she wasn't really mad but went on to assure her that he was just joking.  
  
"Pan, you're my friend, I'll never treat you like that…..I was just joking. But I still wanna know, what did you meant earlier when you said I could just leave."  
  
He didn't notice but her eyes started to shadow over as she said softly "I meant what I said, you can always leave, you don't have to stay. And who knows….you can't keep promises like that….its like giving false truth to forever…forever doesn't exist…"  
  
He doesn't want to push it any further than he should, but he had to know, he tackled her with the same question once again.  
  
"I don't understand though Pan, do you mean like just not work anymore." She suddenly felt so distant to him, and still drifting farther away. It wasn't like her at all. She wasn't answering yet. He'll just have to wait till she's ready to tell him. Maybe she was speaking in riddles or something. But she would never do that. He's tired and he got more lines on his forehead than a 50 year old man has. She should stop toying around and say it straight out.  
  
Pan suddenly turned fully towards him, with a simple smiled placed on her lips she said "You can just walk out……on everything."  
  
A/N: this my first fan fic posting it on this site…if anyone likes this story please review and let me know if I should continue it or not 


	2. Coffee Reflection

A/N: I don't own any of the dragonball/z/Gt charcters. Mind you its underlined. This story however is mine.  
  
Chapter 2  
  
Coffee Reflection  
  
It was a bright and warm day, clouds streaking the skies here and there, with the luminous sunlight bringing the best out of everything.  
  
Inside a café house it was dingy and darkened by the smell of freshly brewed coffee. The only light that allowed someone to see if there was actual existence within the shop was the window at the back of the room. There a lady and a man sat on either side of the table in deep discussion.  
  
"You look beautiful today." He said with a genuine smile.  
  
She raised her eyebrows in a teasingly way and asked "Oh, really… only today then?" it then changed dramatically into an offended face.  
  
"You have always looked beautiful Pan ." He kept his smile on to assure her that he was no where near lying.  
  
"Thank you" she said enjoying the compliment.  
  
Looking down into her coffee cup she saw a reflection. He said she looked beautiful. Its not that she hates the way she looks, no she was grateful to look the way she was but it scared her because she always saw something that no one ever has. While he sees a pretty face she sees promises that will haunt her forever. She couldn't bear it, her coffee cup needed to be stirred up more.  
  
Her reflection was gone. The spoon sent waves of ripple destroying the image on the surface. It doesn't bring comfort to her heart… it was just a surface so easily ruined, whatever haunts her is deeper than this, like coffee it leaves stains that won't ever wash off. She had to ease her mind from this.  
  
"You know what I like right now?" she said as a effortless smile lit up her face.  
  
"Ummm….I dunno… another cup of coffee?…But you already had two cups already though and too much coffee leaves stains like on your teeth not to mention other numerous things…my shirt last time got stains from coffee and it wouldn't even wash off…I liked that shirt though…I think it stunts your growth too…and Pan you are already short that it is…but… not that another cup is too much trouble because you can have as many as you want Pan. It's really okay, I mean I'm not saying th-  
  
"Please stop Trunks, you're starting to babble. And I really don't want another cup of coffee now. I haven't even finished this one. I was merely trying to point out the sky."  
  
"The sky? You want the sky? His eyebrows shot up so far you would think that it would soon disappear into his hair. His voice held nothing but ridicule and absurdity.  
  
"And what's wrong with wanting the sky Trunks? You think its silly don't you?" her nostrils flared out as she said this.  
  
"No, no of course not. I don't think you're silly. It's just that the sky seems a little too big." He said sheepishly.  
  
Pan gave him a jaded look before staring out the window once more. A soft breeze found its way up to her face, caressing and making her smile all the more. Loose strands of hair fell out of her messy bun as the wind played around. The expression on her was one of peacefulness and tranquility, giving her a glowing natural look.  
  
He was spellbound by her. She looked so beautiful and universal. He wished that he could achieve such serenity but now it's so hard to come by with all his problems and what not.  
  
"Whenever I look at the sky I feel so calm. It's just so beautiful…one would always imagine it would be heaven where the clouds and sunlight meet. But its just really all part if earth's beauty. When our time comes we all go straight to King Yema for judgement day…….it's just that some of us never got there though…." Her last words faded out as pain was evident in her eyes.  
  
He heard all that she said and was ripped apart. He knew what and who she as talking about. Everyone was affected by that day and probably Pan the most. But is this why she looked so lost that other day? He could be the reason but somehow he feels as if there is more to it that she's trying to cover up. Another mask over a mask.  
  
"Pan……….." his arms reached out as he tried to comfort her. Pain visible through his eyes as well and a forlorn smile to match with it.  
  
She however stopped him and said calmly "Trunks just look at the sky right now. I'm okay but please look at the sky and let me ask you something……will…..no…. do you want to leave…everything…behind…?….Two days ago I gave you the suggestion…but today I'm asking you this question because we're both sane right now…and staring through this window and onto this picture gives us that moment…to be sane…do you understand now?"  
  
He nodded his head in response. He understands now about what she had meant earlier. Many times he had been implanted with that idea but no one has ever brought it out so openly. He's afraid of what it could do to him. That's why it had never developed fully in his mind. His responsibilities, burdens, his own fear that he had brought onto himself restrained him from ever doing so. But with Pan here he's comfortable and at peace for once.  
  
"To walkout on my problems that I had so longed to get rid of and…….everything…is that even possible?" the thought flew out of his mouth in a soft whisper almost endangering itself to never be heard.  
  
She stopped looking at the sky and focused her attention on him now. She knew this was not exactly helping him to suggest that he should even walkout and not care about anything. But if she play it right her plan would work and both of them could benefit. Alas this will only add more problems for him. It's because he's too much of a caring person to not care. He cannot do what she can. And she hopes he never does, this way it will spare him the emptiness. He already has enough that he can't even handle. This isn't right of her. But she has to or it'll be too late for herself. She loves him, she really does, he'll always be her best friend. But even he a best friend cannot get in her way of things.  
  
"Trunks if you're willing to walkout on your problems and not bother to face them then it's your choice not mine. But remember whatever choice you make it will affect everyone, especially you. I don't want to push you into this but if you're afraid what the results are then it'll never be for you. But if you can not care about either situations then its fine and you're home free. You can just not care….about anything…to forget about your problems and be rid of yourself of worrisome. It is the same as leaving…..to walkout out of everything.  
However… I'll warn you, by doing this you are making a pack with the devil. You are signing a contract with him and if you don't keep your other end of the pack then he will turn against you. People… will get hurt from this, can you handle it Trunks? You are giving your soul over to him just as well if you do this. If you're head is not pure right now, you will be tempted, and this will only lead you down to roads of regret. So I want you to think about it. It's a big mistake to rush but if you are willing to do this….everything will be set…no more problems to care about…even if you think about them…you won't feel worried…it will be like…almost having carefreeness. I don't want you to forget that it all depends on what you make of it, do what you feel is right…." She wore an all through serious face when she told him this.  
  
It looked grave. Dead serious. Could he possibly be dealing with the devil if he actually does this?  
  
At that very moment it started to rain, hardly believable on a day like this with the sky still clear. The rain pelted itself on the roof of the small café making repeating drum beats.  
  
She looked through the window once more and said "So, the fox takes it's bride today." She didn't wait around for Trunks to ask her what she meant but went on as she explained "When it rains on a clear day like this it means that a fox takes a bride. An old Japanese legend called Kitsune I think. I read it somewhere in a manga called xxxholic. It's a really good story, when you have the time you should check it out Trunks."  
  
It got quiet after awhile except for the bombardment of raindrops, now the size of bullets. Still the sky was clear with a few exceptional clouds.  
  
He was thinking about what she said. To forget…it sounds so blissful. But the part that keeps pulling him back to was when she had said "almost having carefreeness"……something there wasn't set right….it sounded foreboding…yet alluring…just to think…not caring about your problems…any emotional attachments to the problems…you won't feel at all…..to be carefree…  
  
"Pan……. what am I trading the devil for?" Trunks asked curiously.  
  
She looked straight at him, her eyeballs boring into his and said "You're trading the devil…….your emotions." 


	3. A Trade With the Devil

N: I decided to continue this story since it seems like people like it so I will update daily unless I happened to be busy that day. Thank you for all the reviews though - Enjoy! If you like this story the prequel of it is Lace and Lingerie  
  
Denied Emotions  
  
Chapter 3  
  
A Trade With The Devil  
  
She looked around seeing that everything was packed and ready, all she had to do now was do the dishes, tidy up the house a bit, call him, feed a white lie and then she could be on her way.  
  
One hand filled up the sink with water and the other spare one reached for a phone. She dialed up the number and stood waiting for him to pick up.  
  
He haven't heard from her in three days, she was giving him time to think things through, before he makes his final decision. A trade with the devil, it sounds so simple, perhaps too simple. Yet…. to be carefree……no attachments whatsoever, severing all emotional feelings that ties him to his problems. Wouldn't that be a relief for him….he could walkout of everything….leave everything behind…it was so tempting….and why shouldn't he take up the offer? It couldn't be that bad…how wrong could he be to make this choice?…. He shouldn't waste this opportunity….he can make his own choices….and no one should tell him if its wrong or not….even if it happened to be wrong he could always change his mind….right?…. Yes he believes so…it's of his own free will…he can change his mind anytime he want…it's a waste not to take it up….A trade with the Devil……  
  
His cell phone rang pulling him out of his own world and placing him firmly back into reality, his thoughts momentarily forgotten. He heaved out a big sigh….he was this close…why of all times did someone have to call him?…maybe it wasn't of much importance…but then  
  
"Hello, is that you Trunks?" a timid voice asked.  
  
It's been awhile since he heard her voice…..  
  
"Yes, Subaru…..it's me. How come you haven't been calling me? We haven't seen eachother in almost two weeks…….." His voice held disappointment, wondering why he hadn't heard from her in such a long time, once again those furrowed eyebrows took their usual place.  
  
"I did tried calling you Trunks!" As she threw her hands up in complaint the phone dropped into the sink.  
  
Lightly cursing herself, she hurried to fish it out of the water. But the phone died on her and started spitting out sparks, realizing that it was unfixable at this point she dropped it back in the sink and went off in search of another phone.  
  
She had to call him back quickly or he'll think she hanged up on him. There was only one phone in her house and unfortunately she wrecked it, making up her mind she decided to go outside and find a phone booth.  
  
Outside it was sunny, not a single cloud in sight, busy people bustled back and forth, making it difficult for her to find one. Luckily she spotted one nearby, it gleamed like gold in her eyes, or possibly it was just the sun's glare. However there was a lady at the other side eyeing the phone booth as well……_her_ phone booth….that _she_ saw first.  
  
They both started walking slowly towards it. Faster steps were now taken. The two of them suddenly broke out into a dash for the phone booth. It soon became a full out compitetion. The lady was catching up quickly as well and was closing in on the phone booth big time.

However she wasn't going to allow this lady to get in here way of things, three more sprints and she would be there.

And with a dove she was in the phonebooth. Closing the door she shielded herself from the lady and her dirty looks, with her back turned on the world she plucked out a quarter and slipped it into the slot.  
  
Fast fingers pushed at the buttons while another hand cradled the receiver by the ear. Whispered prays murmured from her mouth as she hoped he would soon pick up. She had to tell him she was going to be unavailable this week otherwise he would get suspicious. She found out three weeks ago that an old friend of hers showed up and was going to meet him regardless of her relationship with Trunks. She's not going to break up with him…..she just…. can't see him for awhile….he needn't to know of her old friend….it's nothing serious….so its not like she'll be doing anything wrong……..

He finally picked up  
  
"Trunks?........I'm really sorry for hanging up one you like that………something had happened to the phone that's why……"She said as her head bowed in fault.  
  
"It's okay….I can understand…it wasn't much of a coversation we had back there it hardly even lasted two minutes.....but i'm okay now....so what have you been up to?" He casually asked.  
  
"Oh nothing.....I've just been busy packing a few things......I'm supposed to be meeting my parents for the whole week or possibly longer. They keep complaining about me never spending enough time with them….so I have to be with them this week….I'm really sorry Trunks…its going to be awhile though….but I promise to call you when I get back……" She said voicing over her guilt.  
  
He was clearly upset. This was on such short notice too…. and how could she treat it as if it was nothing?....It won't be much of a problem if she left for awhile...he's going to miss her a lot though but nonetheless he just have to respect her wishes then…… A relationship is built on trust and respect for eachother….and love as well…….but if he can't even do that…….then its not worth it for him to put himself in one……….  
  
Her voice brought him out of his thoughts and back on his feet.

"Trunks?…..Is it okay with you?…..I mean if its not okay with you then I can always explain the situation to my parents………" Her voice faded away completely, quietly pleading that he would bite the bait.  
  
"Oh….of course it's okay…it's for your parents…I couldn't say that I would do the same for mine…but…only as long as you call me _at least_ once a week……then its fine by me…. so when are you leaving though?"  
  
"Thank you so much Trunks……anyways though I'll be leaving today….." She said breathing out a sigh of relief, knowing now he won't suspect a thing.  
  
"Today??" That was indeed on short notice……..but it was his fault…..the whole time he was with Pan….he never even thought of turning on his cell phone………  
  
"I'm really sorry sweetheart…..but I promise to make it up to you….."  
  
"How _will_ you make it up" He said slyly hinting in at what he really wanted.  
  
She caught on quickly, purring seductively into the mouthpiece she said that she'll award him big time.  
  
"Trunks…..I have to go now….I have to make sure everything is set….."  
  
"Do you need any help though..?" He desperately asked, anything just to give him an excuse to ditch work.  
  
"No….I'm fine sweetheart….I'll be going now…" She replied.  
  
"Bye Buru…have a good time."  
  
"Yes I will sweetheart…..bye now…. I love you."  
  
"I love…"  
  
She hung up on him.  
  
"You too…….."

There's nothing for him to do now but sit in his office. He was well behind on his work again, heaving out a heavy sigh he asked himself now what? Subaru was going to be gone for who knows long…..she could of at least specify the day she was coming back…or exactly how long it was going to be…..but there's nothing he could do about it now…… He would like to see that Subaru and him last…..

opening his heart again to another woman was painful……but he wanted to…even after that failed marriage….he was so sure he was never going to fall in love again…after that day…..but now he's fallen for Subaru….she….was just different…..she and him had things they can relate to…like say their pervious failed relationships…..he guess that's what brought them together…..the face that they had a common ground….

she was beautiful, intelligent, charming, and more than that…..there's just too many to name…..he would like for her to be the one…..if she's not….then indeed he will shut his heart off from everything……..to start over again….for someone….and yourself……is just too much…..his mind needed to be clearer……he needed to be rid of these problems…….

………… Problems……that's right….he almost forgotten all about it……he wondered what Pan was doing at the moment.....he still had to decide....and to do that he had to ease his mind and think be able to think straight......he was so glad he had Pan…….if he didn't he wouldn't know what to do…she's the only one that understood him more than anyone else….possibly even more than he

can understand himself at times….though she doesn't experience the problems he goes through she can still give exceptional advice…..the way she can view things from all different perspectives and relate to it in that way…is just amazing…..she just holds this simplicity that no one has…..so full of life…..that you just can't help but fall for her…….  
  
He found himself smiling now…..thinking about Pan just puts him at peace….and now he can decide….whether to walkout of everything or not…to be carefree...and....severe his emotions that links him to his problems…..is that what he really want?……what if one day he woke up and he wanted to care….if he didn't care then….he wouldn't be able to care for the things he wanted to….for the people he cared about now….would he really stop all that just to get rid of his problems…..instead of facing it…..?…..he wouldn't be able to love…or feel anything for the matter…..he would be empty…….he won't even be able to feel that because….

he wouldn't care enough to care for it….emptiness…..will just be there….it cuts deep into a person's heart….and stays there…..a person would just know that its there….but they won't be able to feel anything……it's like not having a heart…..how could anyone live like that….?…..but just think….how alluring it is…to have carefreeness…the disadvantages and advantages a person would have in life if they can achieve…such a thing…if they can have…. a trade with the Devil……….  
  
Completely enveloped by his thoughts, he lost track of time and soon daytime past into nighttime. Stars now dotted the once bright sky.  
  
He looked at the time, it was past midnight, once again he'll have to work well into tomorrow…….time sure does fly though…..  
  
Picking up the phone he called his best friend.  
  
He waited, and after numerous rings she finally answered. He must of caught her at a bad time....he could hear her yawing on and off.  
  
"Hello…….is this you Trunks….?….what's wrong?……" She asked full of drowsiness.

He held his breath and paused for sometime before telling her, just to boost up a dramatic effect.  
  
"Pan….I've finally made my decision……"  
  
A/N: I decided now that the prequel will be Lace and Lingerie…Pls check it out - Enjoy


	4. Flawless Punishment

A/N: Prequel Denied Emotions. Srry it took so long...someone was holding onto my story at the time...well here's the next chapter... - Enjoy

Denied Emotions  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Flawless Punishment  
  
He could hear her sitting up on her bed, she was getting ready to hear his decision. He waited for her while fondling with the phone and kicking back in his chair, making himself comfortable as well.  
  
"Okay Trunks, I'm all ears now." She was sitting crossed legged on her bed, attentive to what he was about to say while wondering what was his choice. Well whatever he decides to settle down with she will respect him either way. If he wants to walkout of his problems he'll be walking out of life. This won't solve anything but will only enrapture him in desolation.  
  
However… it wouldn't matter to him, because by then his concerns for people and things…..will eventually fade away… His heart then will bare nothing but emptiness…. To care…..is to feel….. and once you rid yourself of that…... then there's nothing  
  
left….. Just filled with emptiness…. The only advantage to this is when life goes down hard on you….the emotions that connect you to your problems will be gone….you won't feel the hardship….the misery…..the stress….you won't feel anything… Only mere memories will remind you of what it use to be like….He might want this….to be carefree…….  
  
But…..there is a flaw…in the advantage…. At some point…..you realize that the choice you made was a mistake… you will want to care again…..to have everything back the way it was…..and sadly…it can't be undone….there… are things in life that can be fixed…..and there…are things in life that can't be fixed….this is how life is balanced….one person's happiness…..is built on another person's

unhappiness….that's just how it is……when you come to find that what you chose cannot be changed….whether you want to accept it or not its up to you….one can live in lies and ignorant bliss…..and one can live knowing the cold truth….it depends on how the person want to live their life after the mistake….the trade with the devil…..its even possible to be in-between….  
  
You long for the things you once had……to be able to care for the people you once did and for the things as well…… but you won't be able to….no matter what you try….. your tears will be vain… not even knowing why you cry….questioning yourself further until…..  
  
you just don't know anymore….about anything….or yourself……past memories haunt you…you want to live in regret….feel the regret…desperate just for anything….you will long…but you wont be able to even feel it…soon…you won't even care about wanting to have your life back…..  
  
you ask yourself why can't you care enough….you try to care…forcing yourself into it…then realize that….it won't be real…once in awhile you hold onto false hope….then at night….everything turns over…you tell yourself…that its not real…..it won't ever be…..the damage has been done….  
  
….you then…dawdle…through your life….knowing that you're cheating out on people…deceiving people….everything you done just for the sake that they won't suspect anything….will all be a lie….a mask over a mask….lies over lies…people won't be able to understand you….reaching out for help will be  
  
worthless…because you are at lost for yourself at times…you can't even explain the why's and whatnot's….so you just leave it at that….just go through life….its worse than death to you…a punishment…the perfect… punishment because it's so flawless….there is no escape….not even death will do the good deed for you…to do you in….because….you can't even care enough…to kill yourself….you can't care enough to ask someone  
  
to kill yourself…there is nothing left to do but go through life….everyday you see people….who are able to care…it looks painful through your eyes to see this….yet you can't feel it….striving for more….you end up with nothing….you start thinking more about everything…and become wiser…..you can see the Libra that holds life and death…the balance….you are able to the big picture…and notice there is more to it..…to be able to relate to the situations but have no emotions towards it……  
  
So why did she encourage him to go through all this……why did she brought it up in the first place….and why did she warn him about it as well………..she knows this….she doesn't have to ask herself……..it's all because …..  
  
His voice loomed in and brought her back into reality, slamming her heavily onto its pavements.  
  
"Pan, I've decided not to make the trade with the devil." His voice was firm, and unmoving. He was sure now, and will stick to this choice.  
  
"I see, so….Trunks……why did you decide not to?…..were you not unwavered by it's temptings?…..This trade holds the key to being carefree….an escape from all your problems……do you not want this…?" She wanted to test him, to see if he was really sure. Even though this trade does hold the escape for all of one's problems…..it was only temporary.  
  
"Yes I'm really sure….but to tell you the truth for awhile I was really enticed by the thought of being carefree….but instead I chose this because…I rather deal with my problems than run away from them……I want to care Pan….about the people I love already, my problems…..everything….. Trying to forget or running away from them won't solve anything…..it just causes more….. I'm a man now…..I should face them not ignore them."  
  
"Oh…..really…..just because you're a man now?….are you doing this for the sake of the title of being a man……or are you doing this because you care now and you still want to care…?" Her eyebrows were raised challenging him.  
  
"It's not for the title…….I still want to care…" He said securely.  
  
A smile slowly caressed her face, she was glad knowing that he made this choice. His whole life ahead of him will be spared from emptiness….. If he had decided to take up the offer then her plan would be in ruins….. But so far everything is falling in place……it won't be long……  
  
She was very exhausted, staying up talking to him doesn't make her feel any better. They'll just have to talk later……its about time she gets some shut eye…..  
  
"Trunks?….can we maybe talk some more about this tomorrow?…I would stay up with you longer if I weren't so tired…but hey…I promise to drop by the dome tomorrow…..and we can go out for lunch or whatever…..okay?" Her eyelids were starting to droop down, she couldn't keep them up much longer and her head was getting a lot heavier to hold up.  
  
"Alright…..Pan" He was slightly disappointed but he knew that she needed her sleep.  
  
"Awww…….don't be upset T.B…" Her lip rolled out instantly putting on a puppy face.  
  
"I'm not upset Pan…….." He said reassuringly as if he could see her putting up a face.  
  
A smile graced her face as she spoke directly from her mind.  
  
"I'm glad though….that you didn't make that choice……because I still want you to care……..and I don't want to you lose you T.B………you're my teddy bear………"  
  
A/N: Hope you like it…….Pls checkout Lace and Lingerie R&R


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